I am 21, pregnant need relationship advice! please help1 babies involved!?

I am 21 years old and already have a daughter who is 16 months old. I met a guy who is 33 and we started out as first and basically friends with benefits..(bad idea) I ended up getting pregnant (now 28 weeks) and we decided to make our relationship more serious. He has a drinking problem and mentally and emotionally abuses me. He smokes pot an pops pills and smokes cigarettes . He wasn't this bad at first other than the drinking problem. I have had to call the cops on him twice. The first time was because of his drinking. He became outraged and starting throwing all my stuff outside our apartment and started saying he was going to kill himself.(he has done this in the past). My neighbor came up and took my daughter out of there while I was gathering up all my stuff so I could leave. I called 911 because he was threatening to end his life. they showed up and he started to act completely different. that was the first time I left. His mom and I decided to get him committed, so he could get the help he needed. He then started to change completely in a good way. He got a job and started drinking much less. So I moved back. things only went well for about a week and he started drinking again. I called the cops again because he was throwing stuff.. etc. i had him forced to go to the hospital to get evaluated. He again acted like nothing was wrong. Through all this I was trying to help him change his life around so he could live a better life. He steals money from his parents, pawns their belongings, and lies all the time. He has an anxiety disorder along with a borderline personality disorder. He takes med for both of those and see's a doctor. Problem is, I don't think he tells her all what he does. I have developed a close relationship with his mom and feel she is the only one who completely understands what i'm going through. He lost his job and his only income is ssi and ssdi. which is under a thousand a month. He always ends up like I said stealing from his mom because he ends up blowing his money. He will buy drugs or alcohol before he feeds his dogs. I am having a girl in July and I really feel he should not be in her life. He is really good with my daughter when he is his normal self, and she calls him da-da. He has been around her since she was seven months old. that is where I don't know what to think because he CAN be a great person. But I think my worst fears are true, that he won't change.. I live with my mom as of now; and I can't work because my daughter is disabled (spina bifida). Please help with good adviceI am 21, pregnant need relationship advice! please help1 babies involved!?
I usually don't spend time on here giving extensive advice for really serious matters, but your situation moved and appalled me. I am truly sorry that your life is turning out in such a way with such great difficulties and struggles, especially with a child. However, if you are rational enough to realize all the problems you are currently facing, you're in a good place to start fixing everything that is holding you down. Please understand that though people we love are valuable to us, they are the ones that can hurt us the most. He does not sound like he will be seeking help any time soon. I've personally experienced living in a situation like this for 10 years of my first life, and I can honestly say that the best thing you can do for your children right now is take them out of that horrible awareness, so that they, at least, shall never have to feel the pain of what is to come, of emotional withdrawal, possibly abuse, and many many memories.I am 21, pregnant need relationship advice! please help1 babies involved!?
If you continue to see him you are pretty much allowing this kind of behavior. For your benefit, and especially your kids, you need to end this relationship. It will not get any better until he has a reason to make changes and obviously he doesn't see a reason right now.





Threatening suicide etc. is a characteristic of Borderline Personality Disorder. Suicide threats are a way of manipulation. Even if he were to commit suicide, there's nothing you can do to control it.





You should leave him and if you see any changes (such as his permanently getting off the drugs and drinking and going to continued counseling) for quite a long term then maybe you could consider taking him back. The choice would be yours. HOWEVER absolutely NOTHING will change unless it is forced. He has no reason to change now because you accept his behavior.





I really think you should leave him for good. You are too young to get involved with someone who will ruin your life.
Some men will say anything to get what they want.


There are some that will lie their way right up to the altar.


You will be really screwed if you marry this SOB.


It will be like your life is an episode of Punk'd!
WOW.......im not trying to lecture you or insult you or anything but why did you even had kids when your only 21 that too your not married? i mean i know that's common but than see what the consequences are and what a bad situation all that has gotten you into?





Anyways,you need to get help with this A.S.A.P i mean how long are you going to live like this without any work and that too with your mom? i really dont know what to say to you except that first,leave that guy and let him get balanced in life first than even think about being with him and second look for a job and try to save some of that money when you do get a job.





I wish you all the best and may things get better with you
The reason he did that is because he wants you gone. He is not ready to be a father or have his party life taken away. The reason he acted different when the cops came is bc he didn't want to be locked up in the mental institution bc that's what they do to suicidal people.





I can tell you from personal experience, don't bother with someone with the max of problems he has. It makes a bad father, a bad relatinship and your daughter has already seen enough. Your worst fears are true and the sad part is, it CAN get worse. Stay at your mom's and ignore this creep. Read the book, ';He's Just Not That Into YOu' by Greg Behrendt and up your opinion of yourself and the type of guy you deserve (the book will really help with that). Your daughter doesn't deserve that life at all or to witness these things going on even as a baby.





This dude, SUCKS. He steals from his own parents -how the F* do you even get that LOW? He treats you like garbage and is an alcoholic to boot. Do you really have THAT MUCH time in your life to waste on this piece of crap? Life is short, and love does NOT have to be that hard. It should not have to ever come down to this or have to make a decision over if he should be in her life. He either should or shouldn't and this guy only deserves a second chance if he gets in AA, goes for over a year, and pays child support. That is the ONLY way I would give him one. Read the book and you will thank me later when the next guy that is in your life is a real gem.
Right now you are pregnant and taking care of your daughter with spina bifida these are your priority right now. You tried to help your boyfriend many times already and there's only so much u can do. Help has to start from your boyfriend first. It seems like he does not want to change at all. You are still young, focus on your kids and your future. I think he needs to be admitted to a mental hospital. He is good to your daughter when he is normal but what happens when he is not so normal. Everything you described about your boyfriend can bring danger to the family. Please take care. Stay with mom where you and your kids will be safe. My brother was just like your bf and now my brother is homeless, have kids but cannot support them, receives ssi for income, takes drugs, abusive, and is still the same never changed. You need to move on. Trust me.
Amanda, if you do anything else when you read this, think of your daughter and how this has changed her life! She will end up dating someone just like this. Do not ever go back. He needs professional help and you can NEVER help him. He needs professional help! Do you hear me, you cannot help him, you have gotten yourself into a relationship that will end up killing you in the end. Your daughter and your new born deserves more. You can move far away from him and don't look back. Do not answer any of his calls, if he says that he will harm himself, that is up to him but you need to stop and think about yourself. There are organziations out there that will take you in and help you build your life. Go to college and helpself. But please leave now and dont look back!
First you need to get as far away from him as you can. You do not need him in your life!





Second You need to keep this man away from you child! Your child does not need him in there life either. Not even when he is normal!





Third you need to find a job and one with benefits. The fact that your daughter is disabled does not prevent you from working. Let's just be honest about that. I know it makes it harder but that is life!.





Finally you need to get child support from both of the fathers and stop worrying about a relationship. You need to have a relationship with your children. At least for the next 22 years or so. Leave the men alone! Your job is to raise you two children now.





Good Luck to you and your children!
Sounds like you already know what you have to do. You need to be more concerned about you and your babies than your boyfriend at the moment. Unfortunately it sounds like he has issues that are far beyond your control. He obviously needs professional help and you loving him isn't going to be enough. He is in a downhill spiral and taking you along with him. Sometimes you just need to walk away. he needs to get help. Sounds like he is self medicating to deal with whatever other mental issues he has going on and you just can't help him right now. I am sure that he has the potential to be a great person, but not now. He steals, lies, cheats, uses other vices and can't hold down a job. Where is there any silver lining in all of that? Focus on you. You have a baby on the way, you have another child at home. This will all take a toll on them as well. They don't deserve to witness any abusive situation regardless of who it is. I am not saying he won't change. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. What I am saying is you shouldn't wait around because this is far beyond your control and you will get hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally. You need to get out NOW. It's great that you are close to his mother but it doesn't sound like you really knew him very long prior to deciding to have his baby. We all tend to gravitate towards the wounded bird thinking if I could just love it enough, it will get better. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Borderline personality/anxiety disorder? BiPolar? Anyone with those mental illnesses can never really be helped until they give up the recreational vices first. Maybe losing you and his child will mean enough to make him want to get help and come clean. If not, then you are better off without him. Your life will just be filled with unnecessary stress and anxiety on top of what you are already experiencing with a special needs child and a new baby on the way at 21 years old. Move on. Good Luck.