In serious need of relationship help/advice. Please respond?

Okay, so last year i met this guy and he seemed great. He was sweet, inteligent, opiniated, wordly, interesting, attractive, chivilris, the list goes on.





I couldn't help talking about him with my friends, of how he was so perfect for me. And how he was into was into me too. It all seemed too good to be true. And it was.





Once i got to know him better, true colors started to show. He wasn't as great as i once thought he was, and even though he had many wonderful attributes, he also had some, not-so-wonderful traits.





Though he was opinioned and inteligent and sweet to me, he also turned out to shallow and down right nasty when it came to talking about our peers. And he also turned out to be a stoner. And smoked on our ';date';, if you could even call it that (went our for cheap food then hung out at his friends house in a cruddy part of town...real romantic...).





I mean, not everything about him is a deal breaker or maker, and my feelings for him are unsure. I know i'm not as into him as i once was, but is that any reason not to give him a chance?





I also feel kind of obligated to be into him, because he knows i am, or atleast was, and seems more interested in me than ever. Also, all my friends have heard me rave about him all last year and are unaware of my ';change of heart';. I'm worried that i'll be labeled a tease or hurt his feelings or how to deal with him after seeing as we have a class together and lunch. I'm also worried i'll be giving up a chance at a great guy because i'm having issues looking past his imperfections...





I'm battling with myself, part of me wants this relationship to work and the other just wishes things could go back to the way they were, when he was just a mysterious, inteligent, attractive guy in my english class.





What should i do? (sorry for the earful)In serious need of relationship help/advice. Please respond?
unless you want to date a pothead...dump the guy...you sound like a smart girl and you are young...tell your friends that he just isn't who you thought he was and there are too many other hot and intelligent guys out there for you to spend your time with than worrying about him. ias for him...let him know that now that you have gotten to know him, he isn't somebody you can see yourself with...i know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but you have to think about yourself...trust me, you will be happy that you ended it now and moved on before you got too wrapped up in a bad relationship..good luck!!In serious need of relationship help/advice. Please respond?
Don't feel obligated. He smokes. Enough said. Major turn-off. Fact is, you didn't totally know him at first. Your imagination got the better of you. Happens to me far too often. Keep looking, you'll find someone. Don't give up. Good luck! :)
believe me when i say that some of those imperfections (smoking) can become an addiction and then a nacecity. you should try the nerd type. kind generouse intelegent just shy thats their greatest downfall
forget him
the fact you feel obligated and that you are so unsure suggests you should leave this one, if you are unsure now then those worries will only get bigger and it will be even harder to leave. as for being labelled a tease etc, it prob won;t happen and if your friends do question it then just say there was no chemistry or he wasn;t what you thought etc!
If you feel obligated to be into him, that might be a sign you're not into him. It seems like you're more into the guy you thought he was, and you're still hoping he'll turn into that guy. People go out and have it not work out a lot, don't worry about what people or he will think, he'll get over it. If you're really not sure, go out with him one more time, if he doesn't wow you, move on.
FIRST OF ALL: No one is perfect.


Smoking weed isnt necessarily bad. Sure its illegal, but doesnt mean its bad. Cocaine, however, is bad. (i dont smoke weed, just saying)





SECONDLY: Cheap food, cruddy part of town.


He doesnt have enough money right now to take you to a palace where they serve food at $200 a plate.





THIRDLY: You need to realize.


You need to realize that there ARE cruddy places and there are good places. If he feels comfortable in the cruddy places, its not a bad thing. Maybe he grew up there. It also shows that he isnt afraid of cruddy areas.





Let me give you an example of my friend.


Hes a really good looking guy. Girls just love him. He also acts like a total hot shot and tries to act all gangster/rich/im not afraid of anything/im not a pussy all at the same time.


The thing is, he is in no way a gangster. He is not rich. He is totally afraid of EVERYTHING. He is a total pussy. Especially when someone wants to fight with him, he backs down quickly. It shows that he's just a poser.





Atleast your bf isnt like that. He's REAL. He's not perfect (and neither are you) but he seems like a totally chill guy.
Well there are three things you can trust for a decision; your heart, brain and gut.





Look at the scenario and decide on a POA for each one. Find one which feels comfortable to you, then act on it.





You say he is a great person, yet he has imperfections. Everything in this world is great, yet all have imperfections. Whether the imperfection is a weakness, or a dangerous vice.





He may be the man of your dreams, you just have to realize the implications of his imperfections and see how much of an effect they would have on your life.





You should never feel like you have to do something, it's not natures way, and if your friends and other people understand that, they would not call you names. They probably have secrets such as yours, which they decided to hide from everyone. Nearly every girl has probably liked someone for a long time, then saw his flaws and gave up.





Make a decision on your best interest, take all the factors, and see how they would effect you. Remember to trust yourself and your instincts, and not the pressure from others, then any decision you make will be the right one.
';To thy own self be true.'; It doesn't matter the reasons but the feelings. If you're not into him anymore, than move on. Don't stay with him just because you feel obligated. People stop being into other people for sometime the weirdest or trivial things, it's just how it works. They chew too loud, they have a creepy smile, they walk funny, it doesn't matter what it is. The truth is the feelings have changed, that's what yu listen to. Now you're not going to find anybody who's perfect. What you will find is someone yuo care so much about, you don't even see those things. Or you do and they just don't matter. Don't worry about being labled as a tease, just look out for your best interests. You'll spend a lifetime under labels from other people, the trick is to just not care.
Hold it right there..... we should look past some minor imperfections BUT there are some imperfections that we should NOT look past. For example, for me smoking = INSTANT deal breaker. I don't smoke and I hate that smell, so a woman that smokes = forget it. You see this might not be something major, if she is someone wonderful, but I am sorry FOR ME IN PARTICULAR it IS major. Those things don't sound like they were minor stuff for you. That's why one has to decide on their own about these things. Only you know what is really important to you.





Hey and not having a partner and wanting one doesn't mean that you are going to settle with the 1st one that you find. You do it with one that you feel is right for you and one that you also know already, as in ';know very well'; not as in ';oh we talked a few times';.





'; I also feel kind of obligated to be into him, because he knows i am, or atleast was, and seems more interested in me than ever. Also, all my friends have heard me rave about him all last year and are unaware of my ';change of heart';. ';





Do not worry about what people think, they are not taking the decisions for you, so what matters is what you think and what you want and how you feel (also what is right...... but in this case what is right is what YOU decide is right because this is about you not about them or him, YOU are the one that hooks up with the guy, get it??) So this is up to your decision. Also, this kind of thing cannot and should not be ';obligated'; it has to be wanted and you also need an open mind (I mean if you want it but you know the guy has a reputation as a cheater, then even if you want it you would not be very smart if you go ';there';)...... so just follow your own sense of judgement or intuition, but don't let emotions fool you, think as well.