Long Time Boyfriend *Almost* Cheated and now I am confused about our relationship. Advice Please?

Sorry for the length, I just wanted to get the entire story on here.





My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, living together for 3. I am 20 and he is 21. We seemed to have a great relationship until about a month ago. I was looking at his cell phone and saw alot of messages from a girl he's known for a long time, I didn't think anything of it until I saw what the messages said. They had been talking for months I guess and she was saying things like ';we should meet up and cuddle'; and ';I want you, xoxo'; calling him babe and things like that. After seeing that I got suspicious and looked in his outbox and saw that he had been talking to her like that also...saying things like ';you know I want you but I just can't have you'; and a couple messages actually made it seem as if they were about to arrange a time to hook up. When I confronted him about this he claimed that he didn't want her and he didn't know why he said those things, and that he only wanted me, etc, etc. He erased her off his Facebook and his cell phone and as far as I know they haven't talked since and he swears up and down that nothing ever happened with her. I don't understand why he would do that, he is totally not the cheating type, and this is an attatched girl with 3 kids who is not attractive in any way. He told our roomates about all this for some reason and now our girl roomate (Angie) keeps emailing this other girl and telling her not to comment on her fiances pictures on facebook and whatnot. Angie also told her to leave me and my boyfriend alone. Then the other girl sent Angie an email back saying that her and my boyfriend kissed and that he was trying to get her to go to a hotel room and that she didn't feel right about it. She also said to tell him to stop sending her emails and just text if he wants to talk dirty. She also said he gave her our address. When I asked him he got very upset and said that none of it was true and that there had been a rumour going around about the two of them but none of it was true. I really don't see how it could be true because we when we go to our parents(where this supposidly happened) we are always together, because it's like a mini vacation for us. So I don't know if she was just lying because she was mad that our roomate said something to her or if she is really telling the truth. I just feel very confused now, like maybe the reason he hasn't proposed like we have always talked about, is because he is looking for something better or he isn't truly happy in the relationship. I have talked to him about this as well and he says he does want to marry me and that he is happy but he can't afford a ring. Is he just making up excuses? What do you guys think about this? Is he likely to actually cheat in the future?


Also, I'm not saying that I still want a ring from him, I just meant that I wonder if this is the reason he hasn't propsed before all of this even though we seemed to be going in that direction.


Do you think he cheated or will cheat in the future? If I decide to forgive him how can we work together to overcome this? Any advice, similar stories, or anything is appreciated.


Thanks!Long Time Boyfriend *Almost* Cheated and now I am confused about our relationship. Advice Please?
Hi Girl......I just got your request, so I apologize for taking a while to get back to you.





From what I can comprehend, in your question, and what I am reading between the lines, is that this girl is an instigating trouble-maker. She is obviously, very immature and just wants what she can not have or should not have. She seems very lonely with a low self esteem. So.....IGNORE her and what she says to you or any third party. If you acknowledge her and her rantings, you are giving her validation to control your relationship.





You and your boyfriend have invested a lot of time and love into each other. You and he were, apparently, 15 %26amp; 16 yrs old, when you found each other. So.....what I can say is, let it go. He was very young when the two of you hooked up. And men.....I can tell you, are wonderous and curious creatures.....Your boyfriend loves you....he is just curious as to what else is out there. Do not take that personally. It is just the nature of the beast. All men do that. Especially at his age and that he has been devoted to you for 5 years. So forgive his ';indiscretion';. I do not see that he has cheated. He is just seeing how far he could get.....not that he would ever go through with cheating. And at your age, don't you ever wonder too? I did.....I admit that. But I was young and inexperienced....so it is okay to wonder about others amd still be in love with your mate.


Talk with your boyfriend, not talk or lecture at him.....but with him. There is a difference. And let him know how much you love and trust him and understand why he did what he did......but that does not say it is okay to do it again. And than set ground rules. It is normal for mature couples to set limits and have expectations of each other. Become his best friend......that will emotionally connect the two of you and make your relationship extremely strong....where no one can come between you.


And than let this go.....never bring it up again. And in your heart and mind......stop letting this other girl have control over you and your relationship. Because that is what she is trying to do by ';planting'; seeds of doubt about your relationship. So take control back from her and ignore her and the incident. And I realize that you need reassurance......that is normal....but learn to know who you are as a woman, be confident in yourself (men love that), smile and laugh....a lot, and just be open to listen to your boyfriend......tell him your needs and let him know what you need from him. That builds a strong foundation for the future. I wish you the best....and if you need anything.....let me know. God bless you and your boyfriend.Long Time Boyfriend *Almost* Cheated and now I am confused about our relationship. Advice Please?
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I have a friend who was in almost exactly the same situation. Her boyfriend eventually cheated (with a different girl). Know how she found out he cheated? He gave her an STD. I know it's hard, bit leave his a**. You can do better. She did.
I don't think he's being completely upfront about everything. If you're going to work through things and trust him again... he needs to fess up. Ask him if he's sure he has told you everything and that you want the whole story out in the open so things don't pop up later and ruin any trust you've rebuilt.





My bet is that the girl probably has truth to what she's saying.





You may want to consider taking a break from each other. Judging by his actions, he's not ready for a marriage-like commitment yet (and really, are you?). He's likely to cheat again.
This is not going to last%26amp;i think you know it. I sincerely hope you find the happiness you so richly deserve. Please take note that not all guys are the same--its important that you know that as so very often we are all tarred with the same brush by ''some'' women. Zero tolerance towards all cheaters.
You have grown mentally and he is in high school Dump him don't be involved another minute. If he is even thinking of it emotionally cheating is just as bad. Check out some dr phil he will tell you. I think it will be the worse Pain to date but worth it. Also your roommate is a trashy person I would not share a toilet with. Get out while you are hot and young and you already know the answer and what you should do.
You need personal counselling, he needs personal counselling and you both need counselling as a couple. See if you can get counselling through your local Salvation Army without charge etc. But counselling is the way to clear the air to move forward. No children together till all issues are cleared and you have a few stable years together.
I think that he will cheat just because you have been together since he was 16, it's only natural for him to want to be with other women. My opinion is that you two are both very young, you need to go your separate ways and figure yourselves out. There is no need to be thinking about marriage yet, just go out, have fun, and be single. I think you two need a break from each other.