Drugs are RUINING my relationship!! Desperate advice!!?

So i have been with somebody for almost 6 years now, and in the first year yes we got drunk, high and all, but it all stopped! It stopped when i noticed he would get verbally abusive, mean, when he drank alcohol, sarcastic and rude when he smoked weed..When i noticed that, i stopped, and he promised he would stop. Of course i had no problem and have been clean now for 5 yrs and counting, but he occasionally slips and drinks (usually on a empty stomach) and me not knowing it! I eventually do know though, because he will lash out on me verbally, bringing up financial problems, things that happen in the past, anything that could easily start an argument. The rule of thumb is NEVER argue when someone is drunk, it makes it worse. So for the last 5 years, this goes on and on every 2 or three months.. almost like clockwork. I have to come home from work everyday wondering if he's high on something, and how will he react. I even quit drinking just so it can help him. It just really bothers me that he will tell me he has not done anything over the phone, and i come home and he is trashed and iam the one stuck with dealing with what he does (swearing, wishing my mother was gone, calling me a piece of shi*. So you ask why put up with all this?? I love hime so much, 6 years of memories, trips, knowing everything about each other.. all come to an end!! I fear starting all over again.. its like i wasted 6 years for nothing! I tried so hard to keep him sober, i really do. And today of all gloomy days, right before i got of work, i called and asked when he got off from work (earlier he said 5pm) and he said 6pm.. a whole extra hour?? He would not tell me why, and he was slurring his words.. he then said he has been smoking weed when i take my sleep aide every night??! I was shocked..and disappointed. Why, because on the phone he will tell me he is ok,.. when it turns out to be a lie! It hurts me, because i never kept no secret, and always tell him the truth. It seems unfair! I dont want to start all over.. we have so much.. but he said weed is basically his life.. I dont like that.. its illegal, you can get in trouble.. and when he smokes it, he acts rude.. so basically he confessed alot today right before i got off work.. and now im waiting for him to come home.. i dont know if he is gonna leave and go stay at this house. A house a client is telling him to stay at (she's a truck driver and gone alot) to house sit.. (he already has a key).. He said he might stay there.. he is choosing to smoke pot, high, driving while smoking it, and i have to get over it. His Mother thinks iam a saint, she notices he is alot better now, sadly she has no idea has not changed.. that would just brake her heart if i would tell her. So is really worth it, leave it all behind, how could i cope with that.. all those yrs.. Can he get help with Doctors with his addiction to weed and or alcohol?? Im so stressed.. i wonder if thats why i have insomnia.. all this drama.Drugs are RUINING my relationship!! Desperate advice!!?
Aww honey, I am sorry you have to go through this.. You must be stressed! This is alot to take on.





My advice to you is simple. Do you want to live like this the rest of your life? He isnt going to change until HE wants to... and that could be now.. that could be never. Basically what it boils down to- is you MUST find the self worth, self esteem and self love within yourself. You can love him - and not be with him. I know that it hurts to leave. I really do- but staying with him, isnt doing him any favors. You have become the enabler by staying with him. He is not having to deal with anything because you take all the pain on yourself. He doesnt have the pain- you do! When something is upsetting him- he gets high.. and you get to deal with the thing that is upsetting him .. AND him being high.. When something makes him mad- he gets drunk.. and YOU deal with whatever is making him mad. YOU are dealing with all of your problems.. AND his!! Is that fair? He gets what he wants.. he gets to drowned himself in pot and alcohol to get away from the pain- and you have to sit there and feel it. Why would he want to change that? Why would he want to feel it and deal with it.. when you will do that for him?





Being an enabler always comes with a bad stereotype. It is a bad situation.. but being an enabler means you want them to be happy. You want to help them.. but honey, you arent helping him by putting up with him and his drugs. By you being with him, you are taking all of the worst things about his disease. His anger, his pain, ... his worry.. is all yours! He isnt feeling anything.





Of course this is my opinion.. but I would tell him get clean or get gone. You can still love him.. but in a sense.. your love is keeping him on his path of distruction. Find your self worth- and walk away.





I wish you the strength that you need to make it through this. I know it is hard. God Bless you!Drugs are RUINING my relationship!! Desperate advice!!?
say NO to drugs.
you are just trying to save him break up with him.
leave him and dont do drugs
How can you love a person you haven't known for 5 years. He is not who he said he was. He admits to being someone else after you go to sleep. Let him have some space. You need some too. Both of you need to decide what is important to you and whether you love each other enough to change and work through this issue. He may miss you and decide drugs are not worth losing you over. He may not. Love yourself enough not to put up with any more lies. Relationships fail. It doesn't mean you wasted your time. You take what you learn to make a better tomorrow. Don't hate him for being who he is. Love him enough to tell him to get help or leave.
tough love is the only way for you to come out ahead on this deal. that means don't talk to him, let him talk to you, even be around him until he straightens out and has proof with a NA 6 mo.pin to start. by then you will have found another better BF and it 's all over.
Hello,


What you are going through is really bad.


I will try to answer you objectivley(i have no idea if thats a word or not,but i think you got the meaning)


I tend to advice couples,lately, of getting apart from each other(not break up) cause im currently doing the same thing.Im just so amazed about how much it helps that i just keep advising people to do so.





You are living a ';cruel'; life.


Im sure you love him,but seriously,if he would be able to stop drugs,he would have done it already.You have done everything to help him.


So dont take this wrong,Step away.Tell him that you love him but you will go to your mother's,for example,for a while.Explain to him that this is just to make him look at things from the outside.


He has to find out the reason why he is doing drugs and acting awful(every other attempt you made ,which are really good,failed him).


If you show him this is tearing apart your relationship he might be shocked and think of it seriously at last!


He may get out of that circle he made himself go in.


Plus,it will give you time too,to think about why you are with him,and either confirm your feelings or realise that they may be fake.





Think of it like a drawing...when you are painting a drawing,you have to step away from it a few steps and look at it from different point of views to see its flaws.





So simple.





Do not think of the ';lost six years'; cause if you think you spent 6 years already in this relationship that you wont leave because of the ';6 years'; it will only drive you to being with him for 16-26-36 years...


I hope i made sence.


Always consider that this is just a thought of mine.





Hope everything goes well!


ps you are a really good partner to do so many things for the one you love.

make up