Leaving a three year relationship, any advice?

I have been with my boyfriend for three and a half years, and we have decided to move out of our flat and take a break, as I feel I have always been put second over everything. There are various problems with the relationship, and I feel, although it sounds terrible, somewhat relived to be taking this break. However, to complicate things further, I have become very close with a male friend of mine who I see most weekends, and we have discussed getting together. To be honest, we are identical, with humour, food, hobbies etc, and it is a very intense relationship. It seems inevitable that we will end up together, but I am not sure when that should be. How long should I wait until everything is sorted out with my current situation, i.e. moving out and detaching myself emotionally from my boyfriend? I do not wish to fall in denial to emotionally protect myself from the hurt of splitting up, as of course, I care and love my boyfriend dearly, but not in the correct way. We have some wonderful memories that I am clinging to, and do not want to 'transfer' lingering emotion onto the relationship that may develop with my friend. Any advice for a confused 23 year old? Many thanks.Leaving a three year relationship, any advice?
A confused 23 year old? I think not. You seem remarkable well thought out on this subject to me.





I think that jumping from one relationship to another COULD be a problem if it is done for the wrong reasons. There is a theory of sorts that someone fleeing a relationship that has 5 ';problems'; will likely enter a new relationship that has 5 ';problems';, just maybe not the same ones.





Passing on Mr. Wonderful to avoid this is a poor plan, but absolutely taking your time to be certain that you are not seeking one warm body to replace the one you left behind (because of fear, or loneliness, or just physical needs) does not give you the necessary time to put your last relationship into perspective and digest it, so to speak.





This ';digestion'; is critical to ensure you do not go down the wrong path again. As I tell my kids, dating it like trying on pants. One might not fit in the seat, one pair might be too long in the legs. If you rush to put on another pair and toss the last pair in the corner without knowing WHY it didn't fit, the chance that those perfectly comfortable pair will elude you only goes up.





So go ahead and date Mr, Wonderful. Just inform him of the time it will take you to sort out your emotions and that you want to proceed. But with caution and thought.





Good Luck, hon.Leaving a three year relationship, any advice?
When you say you're taking a break from your 3 year relationship, do that exactly. Don't rush into another relationship. There's no time limit that you have to wait before developing another relationship but I'd recommend being single for a while to find your own identity and to move on from the first relationship. I wouldn't start a new relationship this year though, you've still got a lot of emotional baggage and that needs to be cleared up first before you can start connecting with someone else. By all means, stay friends with him and hang out with him, but please don't rush it - you may make things worse for yourself.
You may just have to up and leave because emotionally you are nearly there. The second guy is the ';affair'; you let yourself have and it may be an infatuation at this point. Sort of a way out of your current indecision. Although your question is well thought out it is also it leaves out any actual decision. Feelng guilty and torn will rip up the second relationship. Take time to find out who you are first.
I do believe it is a good thing you are moving out, you are so young, you need to find you, Until you find out who you totally are and what makes you happy and what you want out of life, you are no good for anyone. Give yourself sometime before you jump into another relationship, not say you can't see this other guy, but give it sometime to grow, as for time wise you will know when the time is write, don't let him pressure you into anything, Life is short and do your best to make yourself happy
Make sure you are completely positive on what you are doing. make sure that when you get with the new guy you no longer have strong feelings for your current on break relationship. and i suggest you wait however long it takes to make sure you're completely over him before going on to a new guy.
You say 'taking a break' but then everything after that gives me the impression you are 'breaking up'.





Give yourself 6 months, be single, find out who you are and where you want to be. If you give yourself time, decsions will become easier to make.
u have already decided to move out and hence found an alternative guy too. so its no use asking here for suggestions. hope the next guy will be u r last stop, otherwise u will keep on jumping for good, better and long to get a best guy
of course your new friend is exciting and different... and oh so wonderful... till he gets what hes after...





yes, im old cynical and dont know anything... whereas, youre young, beautiful, and so gullible...





life isnt what it would alway appear to be
Maybe your boyfriend feels second best by you seeing 'your friend' every weekend. It would ruin the friendship. Be single for a bit.
Just make a clean break, don't let him down easy, there is nosuch thing, if you lie, then he will have the moral highground...
All those memories seem like a big thing now but you soon forget believe me. Been there, done that.
There is no time limit. When you feel ready, it's time for you to move forward.
Have a fling with someone else !!!!
detox- from men- take at least six months to fall in love with yourself....
It would be ashamed to through away this special bond you have with your current boyfriend..





All these feelings you are feeling with the new male may just be excitement because it is new





Take a break for a while and see how you feel you don't want to loose something so precious that has obviously played a big part in your life over the past 3 years





Trust me I know from experience me and my boyfriend split up for a long time and both started seeing other people we eventually got back together and still love each other but our mistakes are dwelling over us and I cant see us lasting much longer because we started to see other people.
Hey. Well, when my friend split from her 3 year relationship she felt the same as you, relived and i remember talking to her and she did used to feel some what guilty because of this. I think its just natural, there is no right time for moving on, only you can decide when the right time is.





If you feel like you want to take things further with this male friend of yours go ahead, but maybe take it in stages. However, i would suggest taking some time for yourself, being in a relationship for 3 years as maybe not given you a chance to do some of the things you would really like to do.





I'm glad that you still share those memories with your boyfriend, it's nice to know that you are dealing with it like adults, rather than how some people in these situations deal with it these days. Best of luck also.